Independence Day

Wouldn't it be ironic if Sage began crawling forward by Wednesday? She's so close. As I stood by the edge of the bed, I watched her inch on her back- head first- toward the point of no return. One more skooch. I caught her just as she launched. She laughed. That baby loves a freefall. I can't wait to take her on rollercoasters. I had initially planned to hit Disneyland when we roadtrip to Cali. this week but friends and family talked me down from that ledge. It's hot and crowded in July, she won't remember, blah blah blah. So instead, I'll investigate LegoLand. That's in between surf sessions.

The goal is to get up consistently on a board.

We found instructors from Craigslist to help. And my brother will also be in town (with my nieces) to add his two cents on surfing. Sage gets to meet her 2-year-old Cousin Tessa. In a sense, Sage already has since she's wearing most of her clothes! I'm actually very excited for this trip. Normally I'm going somewhere every other week in the summer but I stayed grounded after Telluride in May just to amp up for this trip. One week in cool San Diego. Wahoo!

We start our roadtrip on Thursday. Turns out I found a 28-year-old guy off of Craigslist to join us and split gas. He calls himself a "traveler" and hitches from place to place, country to country. He was in Utah visiting his dad and now he wants to get back to California. Ryan's afraid we're going to be escorting an axe murderer. I think he's just jealous. ;) But just in case- if you don't see a blog on here from San Diego, call the cops. the guy's name is Destry and he's traveling with a lab-size puppy.

Things are good with Ryan. We hit a rough patch two weeks ago where I considered professional help - for both of us. We just weren't communicating but bickering all the time. It was sucking the energy out of the room and me. Ryan didn't see this as a problem! He thought this was healthy debating. It was over stupid stuff like my driving (which is horrible and will always be), my lack of neatness (again, won't change), how potential tenants won't pay more a month just because you have a washer and dryer. Crap like that. He'll make a comment, I'll respond , he'll retort, I'll say. "This is a ridiculous conversation. Enough already." And he doesn't notice that it's time to change the subject. He'll go on and on trying to engage me.

The other day he said I should knock out my living room wall and put in big windows. I said, "Sure, as soon as you have the money for the project." You would think that was the end of story. But no, he had to continue to direct and explain why my house would look better. He didn't get that I agree with him; I'm just not going to do anything about it. Hence the need for communication advice. MEN. It gets terribly annoying. I love the house to myself- no tension, no conflict, no valuable time wasted on idiotic conversations about what I need to do differently. Now, some of you are thinking, sounds like he's trying to change you. And you would be right. And anyone who knows me, knows that's a very dangerous path to tread. But what I think is going on is not that he wants to change me in a literal sense but that he feels like he has no control and that I have it all - he's in my house, I am Sage's primary caregiver, what I say goes. So he tries to find control by trying to control me, when he's really just trying to assert himself. I wish I was equipped to deal with the ego struggle and he's got no skills for this sort of thing either. The words and tone come out all wrong. I'm sure we'll fight over this blog and he'll tell me to stop talking about him to the WWW, I'll get pissed, then apologize, say I'm sorry for hurting his feelings and reedit the blog. Or I could just take this whole paragraph out now. hmmmm.

Naw. it feels good to vent and it's not like there isn't a single chick out there that can't relate.
Ryan and I have been together more than four years. We're destined to survive this kind of BS. He's still a sweet guy who deserves more appreciation from me!